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The Responsibility Of Healing That Follows Pain

I've often seen the victim repeating their experiences with painful behavior to others. We've seen it in movies, books, and our own lives. The kid that gets bullied at home bullies kids at school. The mom that was neglected now has neglected her kids. The parent that gets embarrassed at work currently embarrasses their spouse at home.

How do we become aware of these loops and heal them?

In my personal opinion, we must first acknowledge where we feel victimized in our life. We must ask ourselves where we feel undervalued, unworthy, incapable, and incompetent. Who has called us out our names, made us feel undeserving, and in what way?

A wife that belittles her husband may find that he belittles their son. A mother who neglects her children may find that she now feels neglected or that her grandchild feels neglected. A boyfriend who disrespected his stepson may find that the stepson has no respect for his own mother. The cycle usually continues as it is an energy exchange that must be released. But consciousness and awareness can form another way for energy processing.

Once you face the ways in which you feel like a victim, you can provide what you need to counteract the symptoms. There is a quote that says, "Your trauma is not your fault, yet your healing is your responsibility." This is absolutely true. No one can control anyone but themselves. No one knows what you carry every day in your baggage and they rarely even recognize when the baggage gets heavy for you or, hell, that you even have baggage to begin with. But why would we need them to notice us and the weight we carry? Is that necessity in your current life that you feel you lacked from your past? Maybe you have the need to prove yourself, to feel heard, or to be pampered. Is that not something we must first provide for ourselves when we are adults and fully capable?

This is not to say that you cannot seek love, affection, and an ear to hear you out. But you must first acknowledge where the NEED comes from. A lot of the time it is from our childhood. Many of us feel as if our parents weren't enough. Like our parents didn't do what they were supposed to. But if we can quickly judge them, have we yet to realize that they were also us in a place of healing?

None of our parents could have possibly given us everything we needed mentally, emotionally, spiritually, or physically. They were and are growing too. They didn't have it all figured out, just as we don't. That doesn't mean you aren't allowed to feel hurt. No one can tell you how you must feel but you do not want to become the hurt version of your parents. So how can you fulfill yourself so that you become the healed one?

We must take responsibility for our own healing and our own needs. We must become intimately familiar with our truths, pains, and wishes.

We cannot go our whole lives yelling to the next person, "feel sorry for me." They have their own sorrows. We can vent, we can express, but it is no one's job but our own to heal ourselves. It is no one's job to book our therapy appointments, reflect on our decisions, and clean up our messes but ourselves. Unless you hired someone for those things but even someone's gotta hire them and pay for them, right?

Never get too used to telling a story as if it is finished. Your story is still being written, receive your power and create with it the life in which you feel you deserve and desire. And if you cannot choose to heal for yourself, please do it for the sake of others so that you do not become the attacker or abuser that left scars on you in your life. Do not become the very thing that you despise.

It is true that hurt people hurt people but it is even more beautiful that healing people, heal people.

With gratitude and love,


Written by Pearline Muckelvene

Lina Mystic Oracle LLC

7 August 2023

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