Parenthood is one of the strangest things I've ever experienced. Sometimes, I feel this optimal sense of wow; I love this so much. I've never experienced this joy before. But then my son smacks, headbutts, bites me all within 20 seconds and screams at the top of his lungs as he throws his meal at my face. At this point, I get a bit more frustrated. I never really want him to think he frustrates me, so I keep smiling even when I feel like crying because the day has been long, full of chores and backed up work from being a stay-at-home working mom.
While I was pregnant, I spent about a year constantly working on inner balance and inner peace. I finally started to feel the results of my healing. It felt amazing. I had never experienced peace like that before. For a few months after my son was born, I still felt that peace. It was by far the best thing I had ever felt.
Then he became mobile, and I wondered if I would experience that peace again now that I'm constantly running behind on work and home life.
I felt like there were always a million things to do. I'd cry sometimes when I looked in the mirror because I noticed I didn't even have time to keep up with myself.
After a year of parenthood, it hit me. The way I was feeling was by choice. It hurt when I came to this realization, knowing that I wasted so much time letting my ego steer me into anxiety, stress, and sadness. My ego kept telling me I couldn't take control, but my spirit kept reminding me it was all about perception.
I could either chase my son around our townhome with a smile or tears down my cheek from weariness.
I began to learn how to turn things around. When Zayne, my son, would approach me screaming as I was working, I chose to take it as a sign that I needed to step away from work and play. But beforehand, it felt like a negative interruption. I felt annoyed and irritated because I was swamped with work, but I couldn't focus while he screamed in my ear. After carefully reflecting on myself, I realized I was approaching it wrong. Zayne was teaching me how to enjoy my day and not to become stressed. You see, he taught me that when my dream job (that I currently have) becomes stressful, it becomes work. He taught me to take breaks and not to burn myself out. He taught and still teaches me to have fun even amid what may seem like chaos.
Now, every time Zayne does something that initially bothers me, I force myself to laugh or smile so that I can be open to changing my perspective. Children are constantly teaching us. Every moment teaches us.
It's our choice to be receptive to the lesson.
It's easy to see the dark side when our eyes are closed to the bigger picture. But everything isn't just good or bad. It's a balance of things. That's why it's so important to reflect and notice the lessons taught in each situation that stuck to us, whether perceived as good or bad.
As parents, our children grow so fast. Moments end within a blink of an eye. Ten years from now, I will be grateful that I finally realized that when Zayne stops me in my tracks, it's for good reason. It reminds me of the love, joy, happiness, and peace that exists every day. But sometimes we can't see it because our eyes are closed. So when your child creates a disruption, maybe that's the disruption you need to find a balance within. Maybe it's the disruption you needed to smile or laugh. Maybe it's the disruption you need to enjoy your day. It doesn't take the opportunity away; it gives it.
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