Parenthood is one of the strangest things I've ever experienced. Some moments I feel this optimal sense of wow, I love this so much. I've never experienced this joy before. But then my son smacks, headbutts, and bites me all within 20 seconds and screams to the top of his lungs as he throws his meal at my face. At this point I get a tad bit more frustrated. I never really want him to think he frustrates me so I keep smiling even when I feel like crying because the day has been long, full of chores and backed up work from being a stay at home working mom.
While I was pregnant it had been about a year of me constantly working on inner balance and inner peace. I started to finally feel the results of my healing. It felt amazing. I never experienced peace like that before. And for a few months after my son was born I still felt that peace. It was by far the best thing I had ever felt.
Then he became mobile and I wondered if I would experience that peace again, now that I'm constantly running behind on work, and home life.
I felt like there was always 1 million things to do. I'd cry sometimes looking in the mirror because I noticed I didn't even have time to keep up with my own self.
After a year of parenthood it hit me. The way I was feeling was by choice. It hurt when I came to this realization. Knowing that I wasted so much time letting my ego steer me into anxiety, stress and saddness. My ego keep telling me I couldn't take control. But my spirit kept reminding me it was all about perception.
I could either choose to chase my son around our townhome with a smile on my face or tears down my cheek from weariness.
I begun to learn how to turn things around. When Zayne, my son, would approach me screaming as I was working, I chose to take it as a sign that I needed to step away from work and play. But before hand it felt like a negative interruption. I felt annoyed and irritated because I was swamped with work but I couldn't focus while he was screaming right in my ear. After a careful reflection of myself I realized that I was approaching it all wrong. Zayne was teaching me how to enjoy my day, and not to become stressed. You see, he taught me that when my dream job (that I currently have) becomes stressful, it becomes work. He taught me to take breaks so that I don't burn myself out. He taught and still teaches me to have fun even in the midst of what may seem like chaos.
Now everytime Zayne does something that intially bothers me, I force myself to laugh or smile so that I can be open to changing my perspective. Children are constantly teaching us. Every moment teaches us.
It's our choice to be receptive of the lesson.
It's easy to see the dark side when our eyes are closed to the bigger picture. But everything isn't just good or bad. It's a balance of things. That's why it's so important to reflect and notice the lessons being taught in each situation that stuck to us, whether percieved good or bad.
As parents, our children grow so fast. Moments end within a blink of an eye. And ten years from now I will be grateful that I finally realized that when Zayne stops me in my tracks, it's for good reason. It's to remind me of the love, joy, happiness and peace that exists in everyday. But some times we can't see it because our eyes are closed to it. So when your child creates a disruption, maybe that's the disruption you needed to find a balance within. Maybe it's the disruption you needed to smile or laugh. Maybe it's the disruption you needed to enjoy your day. It's doesn't take opportunity aways, it gives it.
Manifested By Mama Onesie :